"And I beheld that the power of God was with them, and also that the wrath of God was upon all those that were gathered together against them to battle."
During most of the years of my past marriage, my husband hid money from me. As our marriage started rapidly dissolving in the last few months, I knew I needed to get a better idea of our finances. He had never laid everything out to me, so I was in the dark for many years regarding our finances, our future financial plan -- anything but a partnership. We had a gun safe in our house, that had a smaller safe inside. I had the outer combination to get to important papers like Social Security cards or birth certificates for the kids, but I never had access to the cash we kept in the inner safe. I knew it contained some cash, but I didn't know what else it held. I also knew my husband well enough that if I even whispered the word "divorce" that cash would disappear. My husband was dishonest, obviously, and I knew I couldn’t just come out and ask him for an accounting. I had done that before, many times, not wanting anything inside, but out of fear that if anything were ever to happen to him, I would never have access to this emergency savings. He kept very little money in our savings account in the bank.
One day at work, I was lamenting my situation to my coworker. She joked, "Google it." And so I did. Would you believe that all I had to do was email in the name brand, model and serial number, and they would email me the combination back? Yes! It only took me three hours to get the combination from the Internet. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. I feel like my friend was prompted to say what she said, to get me on the right track in getting what I needed. I was able to get inside the safe when my stbx was out of town. I had everything documented, pictures taken and I had witnesses who signed affidavits. The God I worship helps us in our battles.
"And he spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked, and I beheld the Lamb of God going forth among the children of men. And I beheld multitudes of people who were sick, and who were afflicted with all manner of diseases, and with devils and unclean spirits; and the angel spake and showed all these things unto me. And they were healed by the power of the Lamb of God; and the devils and the unclean spirits were cast out."
This is another part of Nephi's dream where he sees the Savior going forth among the people in the Old World and healing their sick. Heavenly Father sent His Son to heal us -- heal us from broken hearts, hurt pride, injustices, afflictions, disappointments, tragedies. His healing power can reach down through all levels of pain if we let Him. He can heal marriages, He can heal families.
I've mentioned before that I am recently divorced. I grew up in a divorced family, and one thing that I hated was the bitterness between my parents. Knowing how my mom felt, I felt so much guilt for wanting to spend time with my father, for looking forward to our summer visits. I felt even more guilt as I chose to move in with him after I graduated from high school. Even after 40-something years, every once in awhile you'd hear a snide comment. There were times when I wanted to shake her and say, 'Grow up!' What was more infuriating was that the divorce was all her choice. I didn't understand the bitterness and I knew I didn't want to have those feelings in my own life. A few weeks after I initiated my own divorce, my friend asked me if I was going to turn into one of those 'bitter divorcees'. Knowing my nature and my past history, I didn't think it was even possible. I'm one of the most peaceful kind of people I know, having no known enemies and feeling great compassion for people as a whole.
And then my stbx husband unleashed all his fury and hatred on me. It was like his true colors were immediately unveiled and he did everything in his power to hurt me, lied about me to my friends and neighbors and children, trying to turn them against me, and started removing things from our home while I worked during the day. Those 11 months were the hardest I'd ever had in my life up to that point, and that was his goal. He prolonged the divorce for no viable reasons, thus creating more attorney fees. After my home was awarded to me, it cost me another $400 in attorney fees just to get him to move out. I think I had every reason to hold bitterness in my heart. But I had never forgotten what my neighbor asked me from the very beginning.... "are you going to become one of those 'bitter divorcees"?
So I took my hurts to God. He helped me rise above the pettiness and do my best to act with grace and civility. He gave me the strength and faith to believe that everything would turn out as it should, and that He would make everything right. He kept my heart soft and forgiving, and helped me understand how mentally and emotionally sick my husband was. Helping me to further understand that my husband was projecting his self-loathing on to me aided me immensely. I don't want to paint a picture that I didn't have feelings of hurt or anger or bitterness. The difference was that those feelings didn't stay. They evaporated as I tried very hard to stay close to God and listen for His direction. The God I worship healed my hurts and reminded me that only His opinion of me mattered. I felt He helped others remember my true character, because I am still loved by many with the exception of his close work associates, who don't know me at all and chose to believe everything my husband reported. It has been so satisfying to reflect on the status of my heart and realize that I have no ill feelings towards my ex-husband. I choose to not communicate with him as a safety precaution, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgiven him.
"And it came to pass that the angel spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked, and I beheld the heavens open again, and I saw angels descending upon the children of men; and they did minister unto them."
I've had several experiences with the angels that have crossed my path during different times of my life. I know there are angels seen and unseen. The story I want to share today is someone seen. A few weeks after giving birth to my 3rd child, I was sitting in a rocking chair nursing. My two-year-old sweet daughter leaned over me and said, "Momma, I not feel good." And then she abruptly threw up all over me and the newborn baby. It was not a good start to the day.
After cleaning us up, I was feeling particularly tired already and it wasn't even 10 a.m. Then the phone rang. A sweet grandma-aged neighbor two doors up just happened to call and asked me what I needed. I kind of fell apart as I explained how my morning began. She promptly came down, voluntarily scooped up my 4 year old son and took him to her house for several hours while they made cookies and played games. That sweet gesture has forever made an impact on me. Her sacrifice of time was especially meaningful, and the fact that she would give that attention to my son when she knew I would be putting the most of my attention on my two younger daughters that day was probably one of the best things she could have done for me so I wouldn't feel guilty about the unintended negligence. The God I worship sends angels. He knows our needs and will give us aid, even if we don't ask for it. My life has been full of angelic and heavenly help that has come in all the right times and places.
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And I looked and beheld the Redeemer of the world, of whom my father had spoken; and I also beheld the prophet who should prepare the way before him. And the Lamb of God went forth and was baptized of him; and after he was baptized, I beheld the heavens open, and the Holy Ghost come down out of heaven and abide upon him in the form of a dove. And I beheld that he went forth ministering unto the people, in power and great glory; and the multitudes were gathered together to hear him; and I beheld that they cast him out from among them."
In a dream, Nephi is blessed to see the Savior of the World in the Old World going forth among the Jewish people. He was sent to show us the way to live and how to return back to Heaven. His example in the scriptures show us plainly the way we should live in order to bring us the most amount of happiness during this mortal period. He also shows us how to behave so we might become more like Him, thus more like our Father. We follow His example by exercising faith and being baptized by immersion, like Jesus did. We follow His example by forgiving, being kind and charitable. We follow His example of being non-judgmental. We follow His example of loving little children. We follow His example by teaching others about His gospel. We follow His example by praying to our Father. We follow His example of great compassion on all those around us. We follow His example of doing our best to help others heal. We follow His example by helping people who are blind to the mysteries of God, "see" once more or for the very first time. We follow His example of loving and fellowshipping others that might seem "dead" to spiritual things, that we might "raise them up" again. We follow His example by turning from the temptations of the world and finding out what God's will is for us, then follow it. The God I worship sent His Son as a sure example to follow.
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For he is the same yesterday, today, and forever; and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him."
It is a great comfort in knowing that the God I read about in the scriptures is the same God that I worship today. There are a myriad of scriptures in the Old & New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine & Covenants that tells me He will be my strength and protector. I read stories of his mercy and grace, and feel that He will treat me the same way. I read stories of deliverance, aid and comforting the weary. He promises guidance and direction and a Comforter. I've experienced many of these things myself in this modern age and know His promises to be sure. The God I worship has treated and will treat His children the same through all generations of time.
"Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him."
In this part of Nephi's story, he and his brothers had just gone back to Jerusalem to get Ishmael's family. They were fleeing into the wilderness, to be led by the Lord to a land of promise, away from the destruction of Jerusalem . . . so they needed wives if their colony was to survive. Part of the way back to their camp, Nephi's brothers begin to complain along with some of Ishmael's family and they wanted to turn back to Jerusalem. Yep, camping and journeying in the wilderness is hard work. And they had forgotten about God's promises of not only Jerusalem being destroyed, but that they were going to a land of milk and honey, a land blessed above all the other lands of the earth. They lacked the faith that God could help them get there.
When I think of God being able to do all things according to His will, I remember the Red Sea opening for Moses and the Children of Israel, Daniel in the lion's den, Elisha and the chariots of fire, David and Goliath, the fall of Jericho, and many, many other miracles in the Bible.
There have been many miracles in our modern day as Jesus Christ has restored his Church in these last days. There have been many geographic places on this earth where the opposition to build a temple was fierce -- or the opposition to allow missionaries in certain countries was fierce -- but we have always prevailed. There was always a way through, and we know where the miracle came from. The God I worship can do all things.
I feel like there have been miracles in my own personal life because God can do all things if he wills it. If He can move mountains, then He can help me pass a test or soften a heart. One experience in particular that was a cause of much heartache was the bearing of children. When my husband and I were finding out about each other before we were married, trying to see if we were compatible and had similar goals, we talked about a future family and what that would look like. Because he had virtually been an older child, he wanted a lot of kids and I did too.
Well, after having only one child, he changed his mind to my great sorrow. I felt like with each child that followed after, it was a great fight and battle to get another child into our home. It should have been a time of joy and happiness and a time of sharing and anticipating a new life, but it wasn't. It was painful and I was emotionally drained by the time he finally relented to having another child. It was especially frustrating for me because I was completely healthy, willing and emotionally capable of raising more than one or two children. After our third, I knew he wasn't going to budge any more, and it broke my heart. I knew we had the capability and the financial ability to bring more children into our home, and he wanted no part of it. And then. . . .
I started to exercise faith and I started to pray as if everything depended on those prayers. I discovered a wonderful book about getting answers to prayer and I treated that book like a textbook, practicing line upon line, expanding my perspective, gaining hope, and finally submitting to God's will. When you pray for something so desperately, the bottom line is it will only come from God if it's for your good. I had to get to a place where I needed to completely trust in God that maybe it wasn't in my best interest to have that fourth child. When my prayers finally turned from pleading to gratitude for the 3 beautiful children I had, when they turned from begging to my telling God that I would be okay if I didn't have any more children, that is when the miracle occurred. The God I worship can do all things -- and He softened Bill's heart enough for him to suggest that we bring one more child into our home.
I have four beautiful children. They are my greatest treasures. And now that I can look back with 20-20 vision, it was God's wisdom that we stopped when we did. He definitely helped me get to a place where I felt my contribution as a mother was significant and enough, but he also knew what was coming down the road and needed me to be patient.
"And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak."
Nephi's mother Sariah is speaking in the above scripture. She had doubted her husband's calling as a prophet and had doubted her sons' deliverance, but when they arrived back at camp, her testimony was deepened of a God who can give power to help us accomplish His commandments.
Sometimes we are asked to do some tasks that seem larger than we are. Right after I had my first child I opted to become a stay-at-home mom. I quit my job and we were living on my husband's meager income in Sacramento. We knew that our house payment was bigger than necessary, so we put our home on the market and waited. And waited and waited. The problem was that homes were not selling very fast in our community. We were on the "down" turn side of the real estate market. Our congregation at that time was growing beyond our building size and after many years we were finally given the okay to purchase land and build a new, larger building. Back in these days, members were expected to pay for at least half the building. Each member was asked to sacrifice and give an amount that "hurt." My husband and I hardly had two dimes to rub together, let alone give a donation to the building fund. What were we going to do? We decided to give $500. We didn't know how things were going to play out, but we donated it anyway, exercising faith that things would work out for our good. It was soon after that our home had an offer placed on it. We were able to sell and move to a less expensive area, not even enjoying the fruits of the new church building. But that was okay. We were still in a position to keep me at home with our son. The God I worship gives us power to accomplish His commandments. There are things we believe, and there are things we know. This I KNOW -- God gives us power to accomplish His commandments.
