1 Nephi 16:16 Being Led to a Promised Land

"And we did follow the directions of the ball, which led us in the more fertile parts of the wilderness."

There's a saying in my neighborhood that you don't find Farmington, that Farmington finds you.  I feel like I was led to Farmington. I had spent the years between the ages of 8 to 17 here.  It was an emotional, turbulent time for me and I looked forward with much anticipation to the day when I would have a choice to move away.  I moved out when I was 17 years old, just having finished high school and  I had no intention of ever returning, except for the occasional family visit.

I fled to San Jose, California to spend some time with my dad, and it was in the San Jose area that I met my husband.  After a year in the Bay Area, we moved to Sacramento so we could buy a home.  A few years later when we had our first child, we felt like we couldn’t afford California anymore.  We looked at two places, Utah where my family was located and Washington state, where my husband's family now lived. We were kind of leaning towards Washington, but my husband's job interviews didn’t go well. My husband had not finished his college education, and never intended to, so his career choices were slim.  We also knew Washington state would be a little more expensive than Utah, so we turned our attentions to Utah. We knew my step-dad would be able to help us build a home there as well. So we packed up things and moved to Utah. We lived with my parents for two years, while we bought some land and built a home. My husband was very financially saavy, and wanted to buy a piece of property as an investment.  The best outlook was Davis County, so we focused our search there.  He was also cheap, and the cheapest piece was either a hillside in Bountiful or a gradual hillside piece in Farmington.  The unknown excavation costs scared my husband to death, so we chose the lesser of the two evils, Farmington. 

I was a little leery about coming back to Utah, but I had chosen to become a stay at home mother, and knew my husband would be carrying the financial load of our family all by himself, so I kept my reservations to myself as he worked out numbers.  The memories here were painful.  I felt like I would be bombarded with remembrances around every bend. And yes, it did happen for a while.  But new memories and a growing family replaced old memories. My circle of friends and neighbors grew as I rubbed shoulders with them in church and the community.  My love and respect for the many good men and women around me took root and grew deep.  As time went on, the old memories lost their pain.   It got to a point where I felt like I could not ever leave this place.  My husband wanted to at different times, never content to be in one place for too long, but I stood my ground.  I needed a solid foundation for my children and not have them uprooted like I had been as a child.  And then those around me became a solid support as my marriage started ebbing and flowing away into oblivion after many years of neglect and abuse.  The emotional pain was exquisite all over again, but this time was different.  I felt well loved and accepted by my friends and neighbors here, and I couldn’t imagine leaving and going somewhere where I was unknown and a stranger.  There were so many invisible bonds tying me to these people. I guess this is why I felt I was led to Farmington. The people in my neighborhood are some of the best people I have ever known. And not just one or two, but many many people. I felt led to this "fertile part" of the land where so many good souls became a part of my life to assist me in my journey.  I eventually got to a point where I felt I could cut those apron strings and move on, but as my blessings kept flowing in, I was able to keep my home after the divorce and stay amidst these people.  And I try my best to now take part as a more independent member of this community looking for ways to give back and help someone else who was led here for the same purpose.  The God I worship leads us to the most fertile parts of the land.

1 Nephi 16:8 Pressed Down, Shaken Together and Overflowing

"And thus my father had fulfilled all the commandments of the Lord which had been given unto him. And also, I, Nephi, had been blessed of the Lord exceedingly."

I have a personal testimony of this quality of God. I had been a stay at home mom for 24 years by the time my two youngest were in high school.  My husband had been pressuring me to get a job for some time. My daughter was suicidal, and I was making myself available to come to her rescue at anytime of the day. School was brutal for her, and for a time I was driving down every day at lunch hour to spend that hour with her. 

Out of the blue, a neighbor called to ask if I was interested in a part-time job. I wasn’t interested at all, and had no intention of looking for a job at this time. I had plenty on my plate, and my husband made more than enough money for us. We enjoyed a nice lifestyle, and I didn’t see the necessity of working outside the home. I worked 24/7 inside the home!   I politely thanked her for thinking of me and said I would think about it.   My friend called back 30 minutes later and asked if I would please just come in and talk to her boss. I laughed and told her I would. 

I threw on a dress the next morning and showed up at their office, five minutes away from my home. I had only just remember that morning that I didn’t even have a resume. I told myself I was just gathering information. I sat down with the owner and the office manager.   They explained the scope of their company, and what my duties would be.  The office manager left for a phone call and the owner started talking about compensation. Now prior to this, when I thought about working, I knew I could never get a job that would pay over $10. I didn’t have a college education, and figured the best I could do was work at a 7-Eleven or Walmart. But in my mind I had had a lot of life experiences and would not work out of the home under $11. When the owner asked me point blank what hourly amount I was considering, I blurted out $12 an hour, surprising myself. He said, "Well, we wanted to offer $13 an hour."   I think I was a little shocked. I never thought I was worth this much money. Sounds ludicrous today to say that out loud, but it’s true.   I asked him if I could think about it. 

I went home and told my husband I had been offered a job. I asked him why he thought it was so important that I work right now at this time. He told me that God told him I should get a job. I did all in my power not to roll my eyes. He was not living in a way consistent with having the Spirit tell him anything, let alone tell him anything regarding me. All this did was just make me angry. The next day I accepted the job and started working part time. I had told the owner in the interview that my family came first, and if my daughter needed me for any reason, I would need to leave immediately. They were behind me all the way, and letting me know that they also believed family came first, and that as long as I got my work done, they wouldn’t mind if things came up. They were very, very supportive. 

This job has been an exceeding blessing ever since. The people I work with became a second support group that built up my starving emotional tank and they verbally valued my work regularly. The bonuses were generous, the compliments genuine. After a couple years, my friend retired and I was offered a full-time position. I was given a nice raise, and after my divorce, my boss gave me another raise so I might be able to stay working for his company and still be able to support myself. I had always wanted to be a full-time mom and full-time grandma after the first decade of staying home with my children. I had no interest whatsoever in working. But this job was truly a blessing in disguise, and I had no idea at the time that events would lead me to ask for a divorce and separate from my husband in every possible way. I feel like I have tried the most part of my life to be obedient to God's commandments, to do the best of my ability. I feel like he has blessed me exceedingly, pressed down what was in my cup, shaken it to get things settled down even more, then kept my cup overflowing.

1 Nephi 13:18 Going Into Battle

"And I beheld that the power of God was with them, and also that the wrath of God was upon all those that were gathered together against them to battle." 

During most of the years of my past marriage, my husband hid money from me.  As our marriage started rapidly dissolving in the last few months, I knew I needed to get a better idea of our finances. He had never laid everything out to me, so I was in the dark for many years regarding our finances, our future financial plan -- anything but a partnership. We had a gun safe in our house, that had a smaller safe inside. I had the outer combination to get to important papers like Social Security cards or birth certificates for the kids, but I never had access to the cash we kept in the inner safe.  I knew it contained some cash, but I didn't know what else it held.   I also knew my husband well enough that if I even whispered the word "divorce" that cash would disappear. My husband was dishonest, obviously, and I knew I couldn’t just come out and ask him for an accounting. I had done that before, many times, not wanting anything inside, but out of fear that if anything were ever to happen to him, I would never have access to this emergency savings. He kept very little money in our savings account in the bank. 

One day at work, I was lamenting my situation to my coworker.  She  joked, "Google it." And so I did. Would you believe that all I had to do was email in the name brand, model and serial number, and they would email me the combination back?   Yes!  It only took me three hours to get the combination from the Internet. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. I feel like my friend was prompted to say what she said, to get me on the right track in getting what I needed. I was able to get inside the safe when my stbx was out of town. I had everything documented,  pictures taken and I had witnesses who signed affidavits.  The God I worship helps us in our battles.

1 Nephi 11:31 Healing In His Wings

"And he spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked, and I beheld the Lamb of God going forth among the children of men. And I beheld multitudes of people who were sick, and who were afflicted with all manner of diseases, and with devils and unclean spirits; and the angel spake and showed all these things unto me. And they were healed by the power of the Lamb of God; and the devils and the unclean spirits were cast out."

This is another part of Nephi's dream where he sees the Savior going forth among the people in the Old World and healing their sick.  Heavenly Father sent His Son to heal us -- heal us from broken hearts, hurt pride, injustices, afflictions, disappointments, tragedies.  His healing power can reach down through all levels of pain if we let Him.  He can heal marriages, He can heal families.  

I've mentioned before that I am recently divorced.  I grew up in a divorced family, and one thing that I hated was the bitterness between my parents.  Knowing how my mom felt, I felt so much guilt for wanting to spend time with my father, for looking forward to our summer visits.  I felt even more guilt as I chose to move in with him after I graduated from high school.  Even after 40-something years, every once in awhile you'd hear a snide comment.  There were times when I wanted to shake her and say, 'Grow up!'   What was more infuriating was that the divorce was all her choice.  I didn't understand the bitterness and I knew I didn't want to have those feelings in my own life.   A few weeks after I initiated my own divorce, my friend asked me if I was going to turn into one of those 'bitter divorcees'.   Knowing my nature and my past history, I didn't think it was even possible.  I'm one of the most peaceful kind of people I know, having no known enemies and feeling great compassion for people as a whole.  

And then my stbx husband unleashed all his fury and hatred on me.  It was like his true colors were immediately unveiled and he did everything in his power to hurt me, lied about me to my friends and neighbors and children, trying to turn them against me, and started removing things from our home while I worked during the day.   Those 11 months were the hardest I'd ever had in my life up to that point, and that was his goal.  He prolonged the divorce for no viable reasons, thus creating more attorney fees.  After my home was awarded to me, it cost me another $400 in attorney fees just to get him to move out.  I think I had every reason to hold bitterness in my heart.  But I had never forgotten what my neighbor asked me from the very beginning.... "are you going to become one of those 'bitter divorcees"?     

So I took my hurts to God.  He helped me rise above the pettiness and do my best to act with grace and civility.  He gave me the strength and faith to believe that everything would turn out as it should, and that He would make everything right.  He kept my heart soft and forgiving, and helped me understand how mentally and emotionally sick my husband was.  Helping me to further understand that my husband was projecting his self-loathing on to me aided me immensely.  I don't want to paint a picture that I didn't have feelings of hurt or anger or bitterness.  The difference was that those feelings didn't stay.  They evaporated as I tried very hard to stay close to God and listen for His direction.  The God I worship healed my hurts and reminded me that only His opinion of me mattered.  I felt He helped others remember my true character, because I am still loved by many with the exception of his close work associates, who don't know me at all and chose to believe everything my husband reported.   It has been so satisfying to reflect on the status of my heart and realize that I have no ill feelings towards my ex-husband.  I choose to not communicate with him as a safety precaution, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgiven him.  

1 Nephi 4:7-8 He Will Deliver Us From Our Enemies

"Nevertheless I went forth, and as I came near unto the house of Laban I beheld a man, and he had fallen to the earth before me, for he was drunken with wine.   And when I came to him I found that it was Laban."

As we continue the story of Nephi, he let himself be led by the Spirit of God into the city Jerusalem and found Laban, drunk, passed out and all alone.  Laban was the man who had tried to kill Nephi and his brothers twice, had stolen many riches and treasure from them, and refused to give them the plates of brass.  As we can see from these verses, God had delivered Laban into Nephi's hands, and Nephi was able to obtain the plates of brass and return with his brothers to his family.  

I had never had an enemy in my life until I filed for divorce.  I had hoped it would have been civil, but it was anything but.  It was disheartening in a way because it was like the previous 30 years had never happened.  What it did was show the true colors of my husband, and even though I had always suspected his duplicity, I hoped that I had been wrong.  I wasn't.  From the beginning of the filing he began to steal things from the home while I was away at work. In general, husbands leave the home during a divorce, especially when there are still children living there, but my husband was anything but the general kind.  He refused to leave, although he had choices available to him.  Many people reached out and offered, but No.    He got a storage unit outside our city and just started carting things off, thinking I didn't notice.  Unbeknownst to him, I had taken pictures of our entire home and its contents before I told him I filed.  He was also threatening me with a prolonged divorce, which promise he made good on.  He also stopped contributing to the family checking account and laid all the home's expenses and taxes and all insurances on my shoulders.   My youngest son still lived with us and it wasn't like I could let the electricity lapse.  The final straw for me, though, was that he started coming into my personal space and stealing personal items of mine.  I had my Dad come into our home and put a keyed lock on my bedroom door so I could leave home in peace, and not spend the day wondering what he'd take next.  One time I was in the kitchen when he came in and took the food I was preparing right out of my hands.  I couldn't live like this any longer.  I wasn't making an income sufficient to rent an apartment, so that wasn't an option for me.  For personal reasons, I couldn't move back in with my parents.  

And then a way opened -- two very good friends of mine opened their home to me.  By this time my son had moved in with his sister in their own apartment, so it was just me.  This family gave me a spacious room and more than that . . . . a spacious place of rest that was filled with peace and love and lots of caring.  The constant buffetings of my husband had worn me out, and these two precious souls bolstered, loved, supported, and gave me everything I needed at this time.   It was a joy to spend time with them in their home, and when all was said and done, and I was ready to move back into my own home that was awarded to me in the divorce, it was hard to leave.  They had become an integral part of my daily existence.   To me, this couple opening up their home to me was my being rescued from my enemy.  The God I worship prepares a way for our deliverance, and can even inspire the best people to reach out and save.