1 Nephi 18:1 Clear Direction

"And it came to pass that they did worship the Lord, and did go forth with me; and we did work timbers of curious workmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship."

At this point in the story, Nephi is commanded to build a ship to carry his family across the ocean.  Nephi is not a shipbuilder, but he relies on the Lord for direction, and those directions came.

The God I worship gives clear direction. It was very difficult for me to make my decision to divorce. I did not make enough money to support myself and the needs of my children. My youngest two were not quite ready to support themselves, even though they were 18 and older. I remember making this decision a matter of mighty prayer. I really wanted God's help and direction and assurance that I was making the right decision. My mom had also divorced, but she divorced out of boredom, and I valued marriage more than that. I needed this decision to be right with me and to be right with God. I remember I went to a holy place often to ponder and think and to try to get an answer. On one particular day, I did get a clear-cut answer: it whispered to me, "There is no other way." That answer gave me comfort, but at the same time it didn’t give me a timeline! What did that mean? It took four more years until I was finally given the confirmation that now was the time. I didn’t use those four years to prepare for the divorce, but looking back now, I can see where doors and windows opened up for me that acted as a preparation, without me even knowing it. I did not give up on my marriage those past four years. I still continued to seek out professional counseling and tried to work things out with my husband with full faith that they would.  I'm so glad I did.  When the time came to take the first step, I needed that confirmation that I did all in my power to make the marriage work and to make myself available to fix whatever needed fixing.  The God I worship gives us clear direction when we ask and when it’s important to us.

1 Nephi 17:30 What I Needed

"And notwithstanding they being led, the Lord their God, their Redeemer, going before them, leading them by day and giving light unto them by night, and doing all things for them which were expedient for man to receive, they hardened their hearts and blinded their minds, and reviled against Moses and against the true and living God."

The part of this scripture that stood out to me was "doing all things for them which were expedient for man to receive."  The God I worship gives us all we need, not necessarily what we want. 

When you are young, you sometimes reflect about the future and what you want out of life.  When I compare those dreams to what I was given, what my life experiences have been, wanted and not wanted, I have concluded that the God I worship gives me what I need. These life experiences and situations have made me grow. They have stretched me in ways that I probably could not have been stretched otherwise. I think it is natural when we have these circumstances and experiences that are unpleasant to want them to stop and end, but I fully believe that we ought to really look at them in a way to see what we can gain from each of these things, to see how we can possibly grow to the best of our ability. I don’t think they are coincidental. I think our life here is tailored with exactly what we need to challenge us. 

For example, I did not like my parents being divorced when I was a small child, it brought much heart ache and loneliness. This is not what I wanted.  Could God have intervened and perhaps softened their hearts to stay together?  Possibly.  But He knew what I needed, and at the same time, honored their choices.  But having known those difficulties, I have become very compassionate with other people who share my experiences. I can let them know that I have walked in those moccasins and I know what it feels like. I can give them tools to find peace in what they have been given. God has allowed these experiences in my life so I can be an instrument in his hands to help others, as well as my own personal growth.  The God I worship gives me what I need, not necessarily what I want.

1 Nephi 17:13 Two Steps Ahead

"And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led."

I know that God can lead us along if we let him.  Part of that is trying to stay as close as possible to Him. That requires trust and faith in a Being that you cannot see -- but you can feel Him.  I cannot enumerate here all the many times in my divorce where I was guided and led due to kind friends and concerned children who would tell me what my husband was up to. This was a very ugly divorce, full of dishonesty and mischief.  Because I knew about some of these things ahead of time, I was able to put myself in a position to protect myself and prepare.   I remember his frustration at times, thinking I was always two steps of head of him. But it literally was like that. I don’t think this was coincidence. I think God was leading me along this whole process.  He led me to a wonderfully blissful promised land, and I feel grateful for His care.  The God I worship will lead us along if we let Him.

1 Nephi 16:16 Being Led to a Promised Land

"And we did follow the directions of the ball, which led us in the more fertile parts of the wilderness."

There's a saying in my neighborhood that you don't find Farmington, that Farmington finds you.  I feel like I was led to Farmington. I had spent the years between the ages of 8 to 17 here.  It was an emotional, turbulent time for me and I looked forward with much anticipation to the day when I would have a choice to move away.  I moved out when I was 17 years old, just having finished high school and  I had no intention of ever returning, except for the occasional family visit.

I fled to San Jose, California to spend some time with my dad, and it was in the San Jose area that I met my husband.  After a year in the Bay Area, we moved to Sacramento so we could buy a home.  A few years later when we had our first child, we felt like we couldn’t afford California anymore.  We looked at two places, Utah where my family was located and Washington state, where my husband's family now lived. We were kind of leaning towards Washington, but my husband's job interviews didn’t go well. My husband had not finished his college education, and never intended to, so his career choices were slim.  We also knew Washington state would be a little more expensive than Utah, so we turned our attentions to Utah. We knew my step-dad would be able to help us build a home there as well. So we packed up things and moved to Utah. We lived with my parents for two years, while we bought some land and built a home. My husband was very financially saavy, and wanted to buy a piece of property as an investment.  The best outlook was Davis County, so we focused our search there.  He was also cheap, and the cheapest piece was either a hillside in Bountiful or a gradual hillside piece in Farmington.  The unknown excavation costs scared my husband to death, so we chose the lesser of the two evils, Farmington. 

I was a little leery about coming back to Utah, but I had chosen to become a stay at home mother, and knew my husband would be carrying the financial load of our family all by himself, so I kept my reservations to myself as he worked out numbers.  The memories here were painful.  I felt like I would be bombarded with remembrances around every bend. And yes, it did happen for a while.  But new memories and a growing family replaced old memories. My circle of friends and neighbors grew as I rubbed shoulders with them in church and the community.  My love and respect for the many good men and women around me took root and grew deep.  As time went on, the old memories lost their pain.   It got to a point where I felt like I could not ever leave this place.  My husband wanted to at different times, never content to be in one place for too long, but I stood my ground.  I needed a solid foundation for my children and not have them uprooted like I had been as a child.  And then those around me became a solid support as my marriage started ebbing and flowing away into oblivion after many years of neglect and abuse.  The emotional pain was exquisite all over again, but this time was different.  I felt well loved and accepted by my friends and neighbors here, and I couldn’t imagine leaving and going somewhere where I was unknown and a stranger.  There were so many invisible bonds tying me to these people. I guess this is why I felt I was led to Farmington. The people in my neighborhood are some of the best people I have ever known. And not just one or two, but many many people. I felt led to this "fertile part" of the land where so many good souls became a part of my life to assist me in my journey.  I eventually got to a point where I felt I could cut those apron strings and move on, but as my blessings kept flowing in, I was able to keep my home after the divorce and stay amidst these people.  And I try my best to now take part as a more independent member of this community looking for ways to give back and help someone else who was led here for the same purpose.  The God I worship leads us to the most fertile parts of the land.

1 Nephi 16:8 Pressed Down, Shaken Together and Overflowing

"And thus my father had fulfilled all the commandments of the Lord which had been given unto him. And also, I, Nephi, had been blessed of the Lord exceedingly."

I have a personal testimony of this quality of God. I had been a stay at home mom for 24 years by the time my two youngest were in high school.  My husband had been pressuring me to get a job for some time. My daughter was suicidal, and I was making myself available to come to her rescue at anytime of the day. School was brutal for her, and for a time I was driving down every day at lunch hour to spend that hour with her. 

Out of the blue, a neighbor called to ask if I was interested in a part-time job. I wasn’t interested at all, and had no intention of looking for a job at this time. I had plenty on my plate, and my husband made more than enough money for us. We enjoyed a nice lifestyle, and I didn’t see the necessity of working outside the home. I worked 24/7 inside the home!   I politely thanked her for thinking of me and said I would think about it.   My friend called back 30 minutes later and asked if I would please just come in and talk to her boss. I laughed and told her I would. 

I threw on a dress the next morning and showed up at their office, five minutes away from my home. I had only just remember that morning that I didn’t even have a resume. I told myself I was just gathering information. I sat down with the owner and the office manager.   They explained the scope of their company, and what my duties would be.  The office manager left for a phone call and the owner started talking about compensation. Now prior to this, when I thought about working, I knew I could never get a job that would pay over $10. I didn’t have a college education, and figured the best I could do was work at a 7-Eleven or Walmart. But in my mind I had had a lot of life experiences and would not work out of the home under $11. When the owner asked me point blank what hourly amount I was considering, I blurted out $12 an hour, surprising myself. He said, "Well, we wanted to offer $13 an hour."   I think I was a little shocked. I never thought I was worth this much money. Sounds ludicrous today to say that out loud, but it’s true.   I asked him if I could think about it. 

I went home and told my husband I had been offered a job. I asked him why he thought it was so important that I work right now at this time. He told me that God told him I should get a job. I did all in my power not to roll my eyes. He was not living in a way consistent with having the Spirit tell him anything, let alone tell him anything regarding me. All this did was just make me angry. The next day I accepted the job and started working part time. I had told the owner in the interview that my family came first, and if my daughter needed me for any reason, I would need to leave immediately. They were behind me all the way, and letting me know that they also believed family came first, and that as long as I got my work done, they wouldn’t mind if things came up. They were very, very supportive. 

This job has been an exceeding blessing ever since. The people I work with became a second support group that built up my starving emotional tank and they verbally valued my work regularly. The bonuses were generous, the compliments genuine. After a couple years, my friend retired and I was offered a full-time position. I was given a nice raise, and after my divorce, my boss gave me another raise so I might be able to stay working for his company and still be able to support myself. I had always wanted to be a full-time mom and full-time grandma after the first decade of staying home with my children. I had no interest whatsoever in working. But this job was truly a blessing in disguise, and I had no idea at the time that events would lead me to ask for a divorce and separate from my husband in every possible way. I feel like I have tried the most part of my life to be obedient to God's commandments, to do the best of my ability. I feel like he has blessed me exceedingly, pressed down what was in my cup, shaken it to get things settled down even more, then kept my cup overflowing.

1 Nephi 13:18 Going Into Battle

"And I beheld that the power of God was with them, and also that the wrath of God was upon all those that were gathered together against them to battle." 

During most of the years of my past marriage, my husband hid money from me.  As our marriage started rapidly dissolving in the last few months, I knew I needed to get a better idea of our finances. He had never laid everything out to me, so I was in the dark for many years regarding our finances, our future financial plan -- anything but a partnership. We had a gun safe in our house, that had a smaller safe inside. I had the outer combination to get to important papers like Social Security cards or birth certificates for the kids, but I never had access to the cash we kept in the inner safe.  I knew it contained some cash, but I didn't know what else it held.   I also knew my husband well enough that if I even whispered the word "divorce" that cash would disappear. My husband was dishonest, obviously, and I knew I couldn’t just come out and ask him for an accounting. I had done that before, many times, not wanting anything inside, but out of fear that if anything were ever to happen to him, I would never have access to this emergency savings. He kept very little money in our savings account in the bank. 

One day at work, I was lamenting my situation to my coworker.  She  joked, "Google it." And so I did. Would you believe that all I had to do was email in the name brand, model and serial number, and they would email me the combination back?   Yes!  It only took me three hours to get the combination from the Internet. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. I feel like my friend was prompted to say what she said, to get me on the right track in getting what I needed. I was able to get inside the safe when my stbx was out of town. I had everything documented,  pictures taken and I had witnesses who signed affidavits.  The God I worship helps us in our battles.

1 Nephi 11:31 Healing In His Wings

"And he spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked, and I beheld the Lamb of God going forth among the children of men. And I beheld multitudes of people who were sick, and who were afflicted with all manner of diseases, and with devils and unclean spirits; and the angel spake and showed all these things unto me. And they were healed by the power of the Lamb of God; and the devils and the unclean spirits were cast out."

This is another part of Nephi's dream where he sees the Savior going forth among the people in the Old World and healing their sick.  Heavenly Father sent His Son to heal us -- heal us from broken hearts, hurt pride, injustices, afflictions, disappointments, tragedies.  His healing power can reach down through all levels of pain if we let Him.  He can heal marriages, He can heal families.  

I've mentioned before that I am recently divorced.  I grew up in a divorced family, and one thing that I hated was the bitterness between my parents.  Knowing how my mom felt, I felt so much guilt for wanting to spend time with my father, for looking forward to our summer visits.  I felt even more guilt as I chose to move in with him after I graduated from high school.  Even after 40-something years, every once in awhile you'd hear a snide comment.  There were times when I wanted to shake her and say, 'Grow up!'   What was more infuriating was that the divorce was all her choice.  I didn't understand the bitterness and I knew I didn't want to have those feelings in my own life.   A few weeks after I initiated my own divorce, my friend asked me if I was going to turn into one of those 'bitter divorcees'.   Knowing my nature and my past history, I didn't think it was even possible.  I'm one of the most peaceful kind of people I know, having no known enemies and feeling great compassion for people as a whole.  

And then my stbx husband unleashed all his fury and hatred on me.  It was like his true colors were immediately unveiled and he did everything in his power to hurt me, lied about me to my friends and neighbors and children, trying to turn them against me, and started removing things from our home while I worked during the day.   Those 11 months were the hardest I'd ever had in my life up to that point, and that was his goal.  He prolonged the divorce for no viable reasons, thus creating more attorney fees.  After my home was awarded to me, it cost me another $400 in attorney fees just to get him to move out.  I think I had every reason to hold bitterness in my heart.  But I had never forgotten what my neighbor asked me from the very beginning.... "are you going to become one of those 'bitter divorcees"?     

So I took my hurts to God.  He helped me rise above the pettiness and do my best to act with grace and civility.  He gave me the strength and faith to believe that everything would turn out as it should, and that He would make everything right.  He kept my heart soft and forgiving, and helped me understand how mentally and emotionally sick my husband was.  Helping me to further understand that my husband was projecting his self-loathing on to me aided me immensely.  I don't want to paint a picture that I didn't have feelings of hurt or anger or bitterness.  The difference was that those feelings didn't stay.  They evaporated as I tried very hard to stay close to God and listen for His direction.  The God I worship healed my hurts and reminded me that only His opinion of me mattered.  I felt He helped others remember my true character, because I am still loved by many with the exception of his close work associates, who don't know me at all and chose to believe everything my husband reported.   It has been so satisfying to reflect on the status of my heart and realize that I have no ill feelings towards my ex-husband.  I choose to not communicate with him as a safety precaution, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgiven him.  

1 Nephi 11:30 God Sends Angels

"And it came to pass that the angel spake unto me again, saying: Look! And I looked, and I beheld the heavens open again, and I saw angels descending upon the children of men; and they did minister unto them."

I've had several experiences with the angels that have crossed my path during different times of my life.  I know there are angels seen and unseen.  The story I want to share today is someone seen.  A few weeks after giving birth to my 3rd child, I was sitting in a rocking chair nursing.  My two-year-old sweet daughter leaned over me and said, "Momma, I not feel good."  And then she abruptly threw up all over me and the newborn baby.  It was not a good start to the day.

After cleaning us up, I was feeling particularly tired already and it wasn't even 10 a.m.  Then the phone rang.  A sweet grandma-aged neighbor two doors up just happened to call and asked me what I needed.  I kind of fell apart as I explained how my morning began.  She promptly came down, voluntarily scooped up my 4 year old son and took him to her house for several hours while they made cookies and played games.   That sweet gesture has forever made an impact on me.  Her sacrifice of time was especially meaningful, and the fact that she would give that attention to my son when she knew I would be putting the most of my attention on my two younger daughters that day was probably one of the best things she could have done for me so I wouldn't feel guilty about the unintended negligence.  The God I worship sends angels.  He knows our needs and will give us aid, even if we don't ask for it.  My life has been full of angelic and heavenly help that has come in all the right times and places.  

1 Nephi 11:27-28 Jesus Was Sent

"And I looked and beheld the Redeemer of the world, of whom my father had spoken; and I also beheld the prophet who should prepare the way before him. And the Lamb of God went forth and was baptized of him; and after he was baptized, I beheld the heavens open, and the Holy Ghost come down out of heaven and abide upon him in the form of a dove.  And I beheld that he went forth ministering unto the people, in power and great glory; and the multitudes were gathered together to hear him; and I beheld that they cast him out from among them."

In a dream, Nephi is blessed to see the Savior of the World in the Old World going forth among the Jewish people.  He was sent to show us the way to live and how to return back to Heaven.  His example in the scriptures show us plainly the way we should live in order to bring us the most amount of happiness during this mortal period.  He also shows us how to behave so we might become more like Him, thus more like our Father.  We follow His example by exercising faith and being baptized by immersion, like Jesus did.  We follow His example by forgiving, being kind and charitable.  We follow His example of being non-judgmental.  We follow His example of loving little children.  We follow His example by teaching others about His gospel.  We follow His example by praying to our Father.  We follow His example of great compassion on all those around us.  We follow His example of doing our best to help others heal.  We follow His example by helping people who are blind to the mysteries of God, "see" once more or for the very first time.  We follow His example of loving and fellowshipping others that might seem "dead" to spiritual things, that we might "raise them up" again.  We follow His example by turning from the temptations of the world and finding out what God's will is for us, then follow it.  The God I worship sent His Son as a sure example to follow.  

1 Nephi 10:18 God is the Same

"For he is the same yesterday, today, and forever; and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him."

It is a great comfort in knowing that the God I read about in the scriptures is the same God that I worship today.  There are a myriad of scriptures in the Old & New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine & Covenants that tells me He will be my strength and protector.  I read stories of his mercy and grace, and feel that He will treat me the same way.  I read stories of deliverance, aid and comforting the weary.  He promises guidance and direction and a Comforter.  I've experienced many of these things myself in this modern age and know His promises to be sure.  The God I worship has treated and will treat His children the same through all generations of time.

1 Nephi 4:31 He Will Bless Us With Additional Strength

"And now I, Nephi, being a man large in stature, and also having received much strength of the Lord, therefore I did seize upon the servant of Laban, and held him, that he should not flee."

Although Nephi calls himself a man in this scripture, he is a young man, having been blessed with a large stature.  He is still under the care of his parents, so we know he is not a mature adult.  In this part of the story, Nephi had disguised himself as Laban, had Laban's servant bring him the plates of brass, then asked the servant of Laban to go with him to the outer city wall, where Nephi's brothers were hiding.  The scripture above follows when Laban's servant finally discovers Nephi's true identity and turns to flee.  Nephi received "much strength from the Lord."   
I have had many experiences where I've felt the Lord strengthening me.  I spent a lot of years trying to carry all my burdens alone, trying to be independent.  It wasn't until I gained a greater knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ that I learned that I didn't have to go through this mortal experience alone and burdened.  Running track in school exhausted me, studying to keep straight A's exhausted me, working at a tree farm as a youth exhausted me, being married to a narcissist exhausted me, and feeling like a single parent, even though married, exhausted me.  We all have those "things" that exhaust us and zap our energy and sometimes even our will to keep going.  I have had several experiences where I've been in sacred places and was able to hear words of wisdom that buoyed me up to keep going another day.  Sometimes it was something I read, sometimes it was something in a piece of music I listened to.  I do not believe in coincidences -- so I don't believe that I "coincidentally" heard those things that helped so much.  The God I worship knows how to strengthen me in very personal ways, and I have a testimony that He is our best Supporter and Protector.  He truly is our Father in Heaven, a perfect Father who knows what my needs are.  

1 Nephi 4:1 Mightier than All the Earth

"And it came to pass that I spake unto my brethren, saying: Let us go up again unto Jerusalem, and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?"

At this point in the story, Nephi and his brothers had failed twice in their attempt to get valuable written records from an important man, trying to obey a commandment from God.  Twice that man attempted to take their lives, but they escaped.  Nephi's brothers are afraid because this man, Laban, can command 50 soldiers in a moment and they do not want to go back and try again.  I love Nephi's comment "let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth..."   There are times when we come in contact with someone who holds quite a bit of influence and power, and doesn't quite use it for good.  He can be  manipulative, conniving, cheat and perhaps is used to bullying to get his way.  But when you pit this man against God and His Son, Jesus Christ, the Creators of everything that is, our enemies really come off lacking.  They are nothing.  God created the elements of the weapons that men use.  God engineered the design of the tongue and throat of which men use to threaten. He designed the brain that men use to think and reason.  He holds the power of the elements in His hands -- water, wind, fire, earth -- and uses them to chasten mortals.  How puny is man when you think of God in this way?  The God I worship is all-powerful, mightier than ALL men and "mightier than all the earth".

Don't forget the story in 2nd Kings of Elisha, when he asks the Lord to open his servant's eyes that he might see that the hills are filled with chariots of fire on their behalf, that God smote the opposing army with blindness.  These are not just stories -- these were real events.  When we stand on the Lord's side of the line, there is always more power held by those who stand with us, than those who don't.

Enemies might hedge our way at times -- and sometimes they may seem to always win.
But when I remember who God is and what He's capable of doing, then it's easier to exercise the faith necessary to believe that He will help us in our endeavors, He will make a pathway through. We can have our own hills surrounded by chariots of fire, ready and waiting to come forth to rescue us.  When we are on the Lord's errand, we can always have faith that "for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." (2nd Kings 6:16)  Strive to live in a way that your eyes may always be opened to this vision and peace.  

1 Nephi 3:29 Why Didn't God Intervene? PART III

(continued from previous post)

For our good:  There is an age-old question of "Why do bad things happen to good people?"  Recently I attended an event where a quadriplegic woman spoke.  She was absolutely amazing and motivating to listen to for the hour we had.  Her take-home message was "I love my life!"   This shocked me.

It seemed unbelievable when you think of all the things that she COULD NOT DO.  But she was sincere and honest and straightforward.  She had come to a point in her life where she could find humor in places where she might have wanted to cry. She shared a dream she had one night, which touched me deeply.  She was sitting in heaven with another person in a pre-mortal setting, going through a book that showcased her life.  It showed her that she would be a quadriplegic, and she was EXCITED.  She was overjoyed to learn what her challenges would be and her opportunity to overcome them.  

Her perspective helped me greatly.  What if my challenges in this life were tailored to fit my exact needs?  What if my struggles were the only things that challenged me to grow, stretch, develop to a higher plane?  

What if I experienced what my neighbor experienced and I breezed through the test?  How much growth would happen?  None.  

I collect nuggets of truth -- and listening to that quadriplegic woman added another nugget of truth to my life.  We are given what we need.  As unpleasant as things can be, as heart-rending, as painful, as soul-searching . . . . we are given what we need.  We don't always understand the Why's, but when you come to get a small glimpse of the God who loves us, we begin to trust Him that He knows the Why.  He does.  He knows us that intimately.

1 Nephi 3:29 Why Didn't God Intervene? PART II

(continued from last post)

Consequences:  But at the same time, I think we can abuse the privileges of this life.  We can willfully be reckless, ingest harmful substances that disorient us and take away our freedom, do stupid things.  I think we have a responsibility to choose wisely with the knowledge and information we have been given.  

I don't believe God will take away the consequences of my willful choices -- he's not going to magically erase the effects of too many trips to McDonald's and the laziness that keeps me from the morning jog.  I know how to take care of my body, and if I end up with heart disease or diabetes, I know whose fault it will be.  If I choose to drive with a heavy foot, I then choose the possibility of an ugly accident or a speeding ticket.  If I choose mind-altering drugs, then I also choose the possibility of having someone take advantage of me or act in some way that will harm others.  If I choose to treat someone with ugliness, then I also choose the quality of that relationship, if there's one left.  One of God's greatest gifts to us was our having the ability to choose, and He's not going to interfere with the consequences of those choices.  Some of us have to learn by the School of Hard Knocks, and life is a wonderful teacher.  God will not take those teaching moments away, no matter how difficult.

The God I worship respects my choices and let's me live with the consequences-- not as a punishment, but as a learning tool.

1 Nephi 3:29 Why Didn't God Intervene? PART I

1 Nephi 3:29   "And it came to pass as they smote us with a rod, behold, an angel of the Lord came and stood before them, and he spake unto them, saying: Why do ye smite your younger brother with a rod? Know ye not that the Lord hath chosen him to be a ruler over you, and this because of your iniquities? Behold ye shall go up to Jerusalem again, and the Lord will deliver Laban into your hands."

(PART 1) The God I worship intervenes and protects, when it's in our best interest.  In this part of Nephi's story, his older brothers were very angry with him, frustrated at their failed attempts to get important writings from Laban, and took their frustrations out on their younger brothers by beating them with a rod.  In a nutshell, an angel was sent to intervene, the beating stopped and Nephi was successful at getting the important writings.  

So tonight, as I'm pondering this verse for the umpteenth time, my statement seems to beg the question, "Well, what about when He doesn't intervene?"  

I think sometimes people think God is a puppeteer, that we are all attached with strings and He can make things happen, or not happen, down here on earth.  If He can send an angel for Nephi, why didn't he send an angel to me when I needed one?  If he can intervene, why doesn't He intervene all the time and protect innocents?  Why doesn't he stop the freak accidents or man's inhumanity to man?  

I have a few thoughts about this, and I'll share what I feel, but it will have to be over a couple blog posts.

Interference:  We live in a fallen, mortal world.  Accidents happen and we make mistakes because of our weaknesses.  Sometimes we are afflicted because of other people's weaknesses or errors or mistakes or ignorance.  I believe God can intervene and protect us.  I know there have been multiple times driving when I've barely avoided an accident, either by my own negligence or others' negligence.  I believe there's help on the other side of the veil that tries to guide us, whisper warnings or impressions or conjure up miracles.  I firmly believe that we all have an allotted time here, and if we don't abuse it, we can be protected by the follies we experience. I don't see this scenario as God patiently standing by, waiting for something awful to happen, and then swooping in to save the day.  No.  I believe He knows mankind so well that he knows what kinds of decisions will be made and what repercussions will come from those decisions.  I think he can inspire people to be instruments in His hands to help others.  I think He can prepare and direct angels, seen and unseen,  to help us when needed.  

1 Nephi 3:7 He Prepares A Way

1 Nephi 3:7  "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

Sometimes we are asked to do difficult things.  If they have anything to do with being obedient, I know that there are ways prepared for us to accomplish those things.  Those situations may stretch us, stretch our beliefs, stretch our minds, stretch our hearts.  But those experiences are never impossible.  We are the only ones who make them impossible, and sometimes we get in our own way.  It sometimes takes a few steps of faith into total darkness to propel us forward before we can find the sure footing that's there.  

I used to be one of those people who wanted a sure, clear path before her.  I wanted everything spelled out and I wanted to be prepared for what came next.  It was only in the experience of having my world turned upside down that I had to take this walk of faith of which I speak.  

After 30 years of marriage, the confirmation finally came that I needed to part ways with my ex-husband.  I no longer knew what my future held; I no longer could see a few months ahead.  My comfortableness of having my future financially secure was taken away and I couldn't see how finances would work out.  I wasn't sure where I was going to live.  I had never been a burden to society and I didn't want to start now!  

So I lived a day at a time, an hour at a time.  My security became a deeper faith in my God, who had promised to provide if I did my part.  It was difficult -- I felt displaced, unsure of myself.  I wasn't scared, but uncomfortable at not knowing.  Over time I felt at peace at not knowing.  I became 'okay' with not having everything figured out.  People used to ask me my future plans, and all I could answer was "I can't see that far anymore."   I still can't see very far in the future, but doors and windows have slowly opened up for me again.  I'm able to financially support myself and my children.  I'm back in my home and know I can afford to stay there if I need to.  I'm making goals and plans and working towards those things.  I'm no longer in a limbo state and I'm putting together a future.  I love where I'm at, but I hope to never forget where I've been.  

My testimony of my Father in Heaven and his infinite love and concern are etched ever deeper on my soul.  He asked me to walk into the darkness and He guided me onto a more sure, safer, healthier path.  The God I worship prepares all scenarios ahead of me, He makes the way possible even though at times I can't see the next step ahead.

1 Nephi 2:19 God Speaks to Us

1 Nephi 2:19. "And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me, saying: Blessed art thou, Nephi, because of thy faith, for thou hast sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart."

I believe God speaks to us. It may take time to understand how He speaks, and it may take practice to understand the various ways and means, but I firmly believe He does.  I know that we can come to a place in our spiritual development where we can have this undeniable communication.  

For me there are times when words that aren't my own come into my mind.  There are times when scriptures LEAP off the pages and get my attention.  There are also other people's words that penetrate and sink so deep that I know they are being instruments in God's hands.  He can also speak peace and comfort.  I remember kneeling in prayer one day and physically feeling a cocoon of love and warmth and peace envelop me.   The God I worship speaks to us if we seek Him.

1 Nephi 2:16 Answers to Questions

1 Nephi 2:16. "And it came to pass that I, Nephi...having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers."

I have a testimony that our prayers and desires are heard on high.  Whenever and whatever we question can be given us if it's for our good.  Sometimes "tradition" and rebelliousness can harden our hearts, and I believe that at times it's only the power of God that can help us get to a place where we can have a soft, believing heart.  Our understanding and perspective is not God's perspective, and it may take a very long time to get a glimpse of His perspective.  We strive to have full faith in Him, but it takes line upon line to build that relationship.  Until then, we sometimes succumb to relying on our own power and our own knowledge.  This sometimes puts us in a position contrary to the will of God.   

I remember having a question for God where I wouldn't get the answer for 10+ years.  It wasn't troubling me every day, but I was confused and sometimes let it bother me.  Looking back, now that I have the answer, I think God was waiting for me to accept that there will be questions in this life that won't get answered.  There are times when we aren't "ready" for the answer to come.  Luckily for me, I was sitting in church one day listening to a 14-year-old give a talk about temples.  In ONE sentence he answered my 10-year-old question.  He said, "If you are not worthy to go to the temple, and go anyway, you WILL NOT bring home the blessings."  All of a sudden for me all the puzzle pieces fell into place.  My understanding broadened and things started to make sense in my personal life. God "visited" me by answering my question that day.  Maybe I needed that long of a time to have a soft enough heart that was ready to hear the answer.  The God I worship hears me and answers me in His perfect timing.

1 Nephi 2:14 God's Power

1 Nephi 2:14. "And it came to pass that my father did speak unto them ... with power, being filled with the Spirit, until their frames did shake before him. And he did confound them, that they durst not utter against him; wherefore, they did as he commanded them."

At this point in the story, Lehi's family is on the verge of splitting up.  The two oldest sons want to return back to Jerusalem; they do not believe their father is a prophet and they want the comforts of home.  Traveling in the wilderness is not a easy thing, no matter how wonderful the given promises. It's imperative that the family stay together, so Lehi is given power to persuade in his time of need.  

There have been times in my life where I needed additional power.  Sometimes I just don't have enough faith on my own, enough strength, enough energy, enough love.  The God I worship fills us with what we need to sustain us.   My ugly divorce took a lot of "stuffing" out of me and at the end of the day I was amazed that I could still keep my chin up and perform with grace and dignity. I carried a lot of emotional weight in response to my ex-husband's actions, and I tried to bolster my own children as well as myself, and if left alone, I knew I would have fallen short. I relied on God's power to get me through the tough days.  God's power is real.

1 Nephi 2:1-2 Partner in Parenting

1 Nephi 2:1-2.  "...behold, they seek to take away thy life... And it came to pass that the Lord commanded my father, even in a dream, that he should take his family and depart into the wilderness."

The God I worship is concerned about our families.  In this scriptural instance, Lehi had been prophesying to the people in Jerusalem, and because of the wickedness of the people, they did not like what he was saying and sought to take away his life.  God warns Lehi to get out of Dodge.  

God is very concerned about our families and will help parents in every way as we struggle with parenthood that comes without instruction manuals.  We can be guided by the whispering of the Holy Ghost, listening for counsel and direction and warnings.  I have been guided many times in what to say to my children when they asked questions I could not answer or wouldn't share at all.  I've been able to give them peace when they were at odds with the world, hope when life seemed miserable, and a sure witness that God knew their troubles inside and out.  God's greatest work is to bring us back Home, so He is there to help me in my work as a parent.  My sorrows are His sorrows.  My joys His joys.  My worries His worries. The God I worship is my partner in every way.